Take All the Time You Need
by bettertoflee
Summary: Emily is struggling to move forward not knowing where Ali stands. Especially now that there might be a baby in the picture. One-shot. Completed.


**So...this is new for me. It's an Emison one-shot. If you're used to reading my stuff, at least give it a shot. It's short. You might not mind it.**

 **If you're new to reading my stuff, I hope you enjoy :) I did my best. Emison might not be my favorite, but I love Emily.**

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Ali is resting on the couch with a bucket beside her and Emily has been in the kitchen for the past ten minutes crushing ice. The blender stopped working after about two seconds, naturally, so she's trying to quietly smash a baggie full of ice with a rolling pin. It's probably more annoying that it will be helpful, but she needs to be doing something.

Because if she doesn't do something, she'll go crazy.

When she's got a full bowl of ice chunks, some a better size than others, she pours a glass of Sprite and takes both out to the living room, placing them on the coffee table. As she sits on the couch, pulling Ali's feet onto her lap, she takes a moment to really see the woman before her, take in the way she's changed over the years, and think for a brief moment how a baby would change things going forward.

Change them for Ali.

Change them for her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Ali says, the cadence in her voice betraying her. She's uncomfortable under Emily's stare.

"I'm just thinking," Emily says, brushing it off.

"Well it looks like you want to murder me," she says dryly, taking her feet off Emily's lap and tucking them under herself.

"Don't joke like that," Emily says, "not after everything that's happened."

"I'm sorry," Ali defends. "I just don't know what to think or how to feel. Nothing's the same anymore and…I just don't understand any of it."

"You're not the only one who feels that way."

Perhaps that was a harsh thing to say…but maybe it needed to be said.

They look at each other for a moment and there are a hundred and one things being shared between them, but the thing of it is: nothing actually gets said.

That's how it always is between Ali and Emily. A lot of words, just none of them out loud. Emily decides that she's done with the silent conversations. Done with questioning who she is to Ali and who Ali wants her to be. Done letting Ali drag her along by a string…

"How do you feel about being pregnant?" she asks. She's not going to waste time beating around the bush.

Ali plays with the strings on the blanket that's covering her lap before answering, and when she does answer, she doesn't make eye contact. "I don't know. I really don't understand how it happened…we were so careful that it seems impossible. To be honest, I didn't want to have kids for a while. I don't know that I'm ready."

"You know you don't have to have the baby," Emily says carefully.

"That's not an option for me, Emily," Ali says, cutting her off. "Do you honestly think, after everything that's happened, I could just _do_ that to my own child? After I've lost most of my family? Even if Elliott…Archer…" she catches her mistake and it brings back a bad taste in her mouth. "Whatever. That's not an option."

Emily reaches a hand out and places it along the back of the couch, trying to communicate that she's there for her. Ali glances in her direction before adjusting her body so that she's less closed off.

"I'm sorry, I know you're just trying to help."

"I want you to know that you don't have to do anything that you aren't comfortable with…" The words feel good out in the open and she sizes up the situation, gauges the room. There's something else she's been wanting to say, and at the moment, Jason is gone, the girls are all at their own homes, and it's just the two of them. "You know..." She stops herself. It's been some time since they've had any kind of conversation about _them_ , the two of them. She does her best to think through her words carefully.

No matter what she says, she has to say _something_ ; she can't keep living like this.

In the time it's taking her to find the right words, Ali looks her square in the face and her eyes soften. Emily can tell that Ali is drifting into another one of those moments. The moments that drive her crazy, that confuse the hell out of her, that make her skip work even though she knows she's one no-show, no-call away from being fired.

"Ali…" she says slowly, warning obvious in her voice.

"Do we have to talk about it?" Ali says. "Can't we just be here, together, and leave it at that?"

Emily wants to say yes, because that's easier. But in the long run…it's much more difficult than that and she's finally realized that she deserves an answer. She deserves more than drifting along.

"No," she says quietly. "I can't just be here without knowing what this is."

"If you want to go home, you can," says Ali. "You don't have to stay and baby sit me." Her mood is changing as she grows defensive. She's rebuilding her walls and Emily physically cannot afford to break them down again, so she tries to salvage what's left of the moment.

"I don't want to go home," she says. "But I can't keep living like this. I've come a long way since that kiss I the library, and I know this is probably hard for you to talk about, but I am finally happy with who I am. It's just…every time I'm with you, like this," she lifts the hand that was resting on the back of the couch and gestures between them, "every time I see you, I die. You are killing me and you don't even know it."

Ali's face slacks and Emily watches as the confusion makes its way across her face. It starts out with her mouth forming a slight 'o', then moves to her brows as they crease, a thought forming.

"Emily," she starts.

For a moment though, Emily regrets saying anything. "It's okay," she defends. "I shouldn't have brought it up. You have enough to worry about. I was being selfish." She thinks that will be the end of it; that the quiet space around them will only grow larger, that she'll feel the awkwardness tightening around her chest and she'll eventually push herself up off the couch and move into another room.

Because even if she's mortified for putting her heart out there for the world to see, she's not going to leave Ali. Not tonight, and definitely not at a time like this.

But just before she moves to scoot forward, away from the situation, Ali does something that surprises her. She leans forward, scooting herself so that her ankles are crossed and she's a hair away from touching her knees to Emily's leg. She takes Emily's hand off the back of the couch and holds it in her lap, between them. She doesn't say a word and neither does Emily. She's afraid to break the perfection of this little snow-globe worthy moment. She's afraid that if she does as much as blink, everything will be shattered.

"I'm not trying to play with you," Ali says finally. "I know it might seem like it, but...that was never my intention. Maybe at first, when we were younger, but…you really were always my favorite."

The words aren't exactly the ones Emily had hoped to hear. A little piece of her heart starts to deflate, but there's still more working its way through Ali's thoughts.

"There's a lot I've done in the past that wasn't right," she says, "and I'm sorry for that. You deserve someone who's going to give you the world. You bend over backward for people and you should be with somebody who can give you that in return. You're loyal to a fault, Emily, and I'm sorry if I've abused that."

"I don't need someone to return all that," Emily says. She tightens her hold on Ali's hand and forces her to keep eye contact. "What I need is you. Just as you are."

The blush on Ali's cheeks and the hint of a smile that's taking over her face is enough to lighten Emily's mood.

"I don't think I'm in a place to promise anything right now," Ali says cautiously. "I might need a little while to figure out what I'm feeling…" Emily's grip slackens but Ali holds tighter, not letting her pull away. "But…I know enough to tell you I don't like the idea of you seeing anyone else."

Emily lets out a soft breath.

"I can do that," she says through a small laugh. She feels lighter than she's felt in weeks. She turns and motions for Ali to do the same then reaches around Ali and pulls her so that she's folded under Emily's arm and resting her head on her shoulder. It might not be the answer she wanted to hear, but its close enough. It's something. It's hope. She takes her hand and tucks Ali's hair back, behind her neck, stringing her fingers through the strands as she feels Ali's breathing even out.

"I don't want to string you along anymore," Ali says after a moment.

Emily continues to trail her hands over Ali's hair. "You're not," she says; because she isn't. "Take all the time you need. I'll be here."

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 **AN: So leave a review and let me know what you thought. This is fun...trying my hand at other pairings. Not sure I'm good at it, but it's at least a little different from the norm.**


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